About two months ago I did an entire blog post sharing my insecurities. I wrote that blog post in an effort to be entirely honest and even possibly helpful on the internet. After I hit publish on that post I felt powerful, thinking, That’s it! Internet zero, Cassandra one. See, I thought I had just shared my most difficult post and that now everything else would be far less challenging. Until it hit me, the one post that could actually be more challenging for me to write and share… What I love about myself.
Oh yeah, I conveniently shared my insecurities, but left out another bit of vulnerable information that actually causes way more anxiety for me. Sharing what I love about myself. I tend to get this uncomfortable icky feeling whenever I am kind to myself. And oh my goodness being kind to myself publicly is even worse. I always fear that I will come across as conceited, arrogant, vain, pretentious, self-centered, synonyms...
But in an effort to one up the internet, and my own negative mentality, I have decided to accept the challenge of publicly sharing what I love about myself. Here goes nothing!
I love my eyes, I love my eyebrows, I love my hair, I love my height, and I love my curves.
Did anyone else listen to Cody Simpson for the solid one year period he was relevant? I remember watching his music videos with my best friend and our all time favorite was Pretty Brown Eyes (you're darn right I am linking to the music video- high quality content is a must share). This song is most definitely not the reason why I love my eyes, but it is a good time. Honestly, I appreciate my eyes because in recent years I've come to realize just how telling they can be. My sister claims she knows when I'm forcing a smile because it doesn't meet my eyes, go figure. On that note though, I think it's fun trying to emote using nothing but my eyes. Shoutout to Tyra Banks and twelve year old Cassandra obsessed with America's Next Top Model. I love how powerful my eyes are and that they're a neutral is just a bonus.
I remember when I was in junior high and my older sister took me to get my eyebrows waxed for the first time. I used to hate the huge caterpillars perched atop my head. Thankfully for my skin and my wallet, that is no longer the case. I now feel quite thankful to have the thick and full eyebrows that I do. I believe they help frame my face and make me, well, me!
I have always been that person who makes hair stylists sigh out of exhaustion by the time they're done cutting my hair. And you know what, I still love my thick hair. I can't tell you how many times I've had people tell me I have the thickest hair they've ever seen. I used to consider this to be a negative, especially when straightening your hair to be pinstraight was all the rage *collective eye roll to Selena Gomez circa Wizards of Waverly Place.* However, as the years have gone by I've come to appreciate my thick hair. After all, I don't have to worry about going bald. Score for senior citizen Cassandra.
Now, don't ever tell the Walt Disney Company I said this, but screw your height requirement- I am a princess! That's right, I love my height. Sure, sometimes I can't wear the same palazzo pants as my best friends, but I also get to wear all of the culottes and midi skirts. My height can be a problem when auditioning to be a Disney face character and when trying to wear flowy maxi pieces, but I know now that I wouldn't have it any other way. I love my height because, in case you couldn't tell from some of my outfits and my recent hair transformations, I love to stand out. I have found there is no better way to stand out than to literally be taller than all of your other girl friends.
Last, but not least, I love my curves. Growing up, I was never confident in the shape of my body. Even to this day, I can start to feel insecure when my sister and I try on the exact same dress, yet end up with very different looks. But the older I get, the more those insecure moments are matched with "yaas" moments. You know, those moments when you become the supportive best friend in your own head when you see your butt in some nice mom jeans. Having prominent hips can definitely be a pain when shopping for bottoms sometimes, but it can also be a source of pride. I'm learning to take pride in the way clothes fit my body. Cause each curve, is my freakin' curve.
Now, I know what you're thinking, Cass, how can some of the things you love about yourself be the same as your insecurities? Well, honey, I am so glad you asked! You know that song in Princess Diaries with the lyrics, "what makes you different, makes you beautiful"? Well, let me tell you the older I get the more I relate to those simple little words. I may still feel some occasional resentment towards the things that make me different, but as I age I'm starting to realize that those differences are actually pretty cool cause no one else is exactly like me. I'm learning to accept those things as a part of my identity.
Overall, 10/10 would love myself again.
- Disingenuously Dressed